Finding A Black Guy: Dating Woes For Seattle’s Black Ladies

Finding A Black Guy: Dating Woes For Seattle’s Black Ladies

Seattle instances columnist Jerry big had written concerning the black colored experience with Seattle for which black colored ladies reported exactly how few black colored guys there have been up to now. One girl stated to “bring your own personal black colored males (or ladies) up to now because Seattle is hard on black colored ladies’ dating aspirations.”

Significantly more than 10 years later on, black colored ladies state that is nevertheless the scenario.

Which is the reason why, in component, Margo Jones discovers by by herself as soon as a thirty days at Sea-Tac Airport, either picking right on up her boyfriend Ramonde Carpenter, or flying off to nyc to go to him.

For a Monday that is recent ended up being their move to go to, as soon as he arrived, they laughed and hugged and kissed. Without doubt about this: these were completely in love.

The travel might be costly and exhausting, however for Jones, it is a lot better than no relationship after all. She echoed the ladies in Large’s column, stating that it is extremely difficult to get a black guy to date in Seattle.

University of Washington sociologists Stewart Tolnay and Kyle Crowder called it the “marriage squeeze,” noting the rate that is declining of ladies engaged and getting married.

Within the last few 40 years, black colored females experienced a harder time finding black colored guys to marry for various reasons – high mortality, high incarceration prices and marriage that is interracial.

For solitary black colored ladies, that may suggest being ready to head out. That’s just just what it indicates for 37-year-old Marquetta Riley, anyhow.

On a current Friday evening, Riley, a high, healthy girl, stood before her vanity, the full spread of makeup products and locks services and products in the front of her. Her makeup brushes made a tapping noise as she dusted down her last application of attention shadow and powder.

“I’ve surely got to get beautified,” she said, laughing. “A small makeup products, just a little blush, a eye shadow that is little. Ah, a great deal of attention shadow.”

Riley happens to be in relationships before, a lot of them distance that is long. About this Friday evening, she’s meeting an ex-boyfriend from 14 years back for dinner – he called her hours before from Los Angeles, saying he will be in Seattle around 7 p.m.

She’s got a kind: “Dark skinned, tall, lean, like athletic-build black colored males. That’s all I’m interested in,” she stated. Difficult to locate that enter Seattle – or even to find one that’sn’t timid, she stated.

For instance, per month ago Riley is at a bar-restaurant called Cactus whenever she spotted a nice-looking man that is black.

“I happened to be like, ‘in which do you result from, black colored guy that is therefore attractive?’” she said. “Because that’s few and far between too! And then he kept switching around taking a look at me personally for approximately 45 moments. He never ever as soon as stated hello, he never provided the black colored individual head nod – nothing, do you know what i am talking about, absolutely absolutely absolutely nothing!

“If we had been an additional town I would personally have at the very least got the, ‘Hey, the way you doing?’” she stated.

She said that she’s come to realize that the men she prefers don’t live in Seattle as she prepared for this Friday night.

So she faces a dilemma: “I am able to select my job and my entire life right right right here, or i could relocate to be happier an additional part of my entire life. Therefore is it better for me personally become in a relationship for me to be successful and independent or is it more important? That’s the concern.”

Family therapist Heidi Henderson-Lewis stated she’d encourage black colored females like Riley to help keep an mind that is open especially right right right here in Seattle.

Henderson-Lewis counsels couples that are black she also includes a help team called the “black wedding movement.”

“There’s this term we use within our society, plus it’s called ‘scotoma,’ plus it’s fundamentally blinders, you merely see just what you prefer,” Henderson-Lewis said. “You’ll find a way to eliminate those scotomas in the event that you increase your thinking of what’s good, and that which you may need, and also you could possibly note that there are various other males nowadays that may allow you to delighted.”

right straight straight Back at Sea-Tac Airport, Ramonde Carpenter stated he intends to relocate to Seattle when you look at the next year or two. Jones stated she’s ready to wait – after all, she’s waited this long.

Stick to the hashtag #blackinseattle on Twitter and include your concerns and insights.

Funding for Ebony In Seattle had been supplied by the KUOW Program Venture Fund. Contributors consist of Paul and Laurie Ahern, the KUOW Board of Directors and Listener members.